Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
