1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
