yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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