took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
