We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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