Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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