Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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