do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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