as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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