I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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