all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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