Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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