She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize