my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
