Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
