I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
