this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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