then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
