you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
