I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
