I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize