Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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