YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
