We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
