I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
