CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
