we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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