Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
