It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
