You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A bitchslap is in order.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
