so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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