He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
