With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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