i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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