I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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