I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
