He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
