I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
