If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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