Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
