Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
