Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
