I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
