Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
