How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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