I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
