If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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