i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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