Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
