dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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