have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
