first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
