who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
