just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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