Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
