I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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