i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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