One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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