y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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