Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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