sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
