i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
