I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
