She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
