I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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