Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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