anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
