im six kinds of drunk right now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
