I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
