Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize